Modern Warfare

It’s 3am and I’m sitting here playing a fish version of bejeweled. I have a quiz tomorrow. What am I doing?

It’s not that I can’t sleep–although, recently, it’s been pretty tough for me to go to bed at night and get up at a reasonable time. I also had way too much for dinner. But still, staying up late, playing games that take no skill usually end up with me reflecting on things that have happened recently. A question that just came to me:

Why am I so afraid to talk about my faith?

I used to be cool and confident when it came to my beliefs. But that was years ago. Now I can barely get myself to say “God” in front of other people. Even in front of church people. It’s been so long since I wrote a blog post about God, Jesus or the church. I feel really disheartened.

It’s hard to say that I’ve been trying my best not to get to this point. The truth is I haven’t been doing ANYTHING to prevent myself from getting to this point. The worst part is, I don’t even know why. Why did I let myself fall further into the hole? I knew that momentum would pick up over time; unfortunately, terminal velocity does not exist.

It’s a problem. How can I be one of the faces of my church if I cannot even say the name of whose house I attend?

I hope it’s just a phase.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been so busy with schools, schedules, routines and the modern life. Gotta get things done fast.

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