Light the way for my ever-wandering heart.

As I was walking around lunch today, I realized something.

I am a part of many cliques.

I can go around to a lot of tables at lunch and pretty much blend in with everybody there.

The Sophomores. The Seniors. The “punks.” The “nerds.”  The “oddballs.”

I’m a chameleon.

I guess this is kind of because I have at least a friend or two in each of these cliques.

I assume most people would read this as a good thing.

But I know better.

Each time I migrate groups, I put on a mask. A mask that will hide all the other sides of my life. I am a 30-sided dice.

My inward attitude remains the same throughout. My outward behavior changes. Lots.

Yet each group allows me to deal with my problems in a different way than the last.

Am I…

Am I a jerk? Am I a nerd? Am I nice? Am I mean? Am I hated? Am I loved? Am I welcome?

Where do I belong?

I have best friends I can talk to about this, but they’re usually away, playing Call of Duty or watching House, and I don’t want to bother them.

But their absence definitely isn’t helping me any.

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2 thoughts on “Light the way for my ever-wandering heart.

  1. This is how highschool works. You’re trying to navigate and figure out where you fit in in life. Don’t sweat it so incredibly much. Getting close to a few people and having a wide range of people you spend time with is a good thing.

    And the mask thing, especially in highschool, is very common. People change their behaviour based on who they are talking to. It’s a part of human adaptation. All those “masks” are just parts of yourself. Don’t worry about having a label you can nicely attach to yourself, it’s not necessary.

  2. Eventually you realize that this is high school. And it doesnt matter. Well, ok, it does a little, but most of these people will drop out of your life when you move on to college. The ones that are important will remain, and that is what makes them important. So enjoy being in a lot of cliques now, and find out where you want to be. Then thats how you develop through the rest of your life. As much as some people would like to think, high school doesnt matter. And being done with it doesnt magically give you greater insight either.

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