Live. Love. Loud.

I realize that the title is a bit redundant at this point, with all the status updates and whatnot, but I just wanted to say it again. Live. Love. Loud. It’s music to my ears.

I learned a lot this retreat. A lot more than I thought I would, at least. Learned so much about God and his love.

I met new people. Hopefully everybody will know everybody else at one point.

But I can’t lie and say that everything was all dandy, all the time. There was a lot of other crud (implying bad stuff) that happened during retreat. Negative thoughts flew around my head. My friend and I butt heads with each other. Fuses were blown (both literally and figuratively).

Yet, through all the stuff that went wrong,  all the stuff that went well just overpowered the negative.

Revival. Redemption. Removing.

I seem to have forgotten how to write grammatically correct in English.

The world: raw + unrelated

In case you haven’t noticed already, greed is what drives this world. Greed and competition.

Without greed or competition, nothing would get done.

Say Comcast had a monopoly on internet. Who would pressure them to make their internet faster? More reliable?

How do people get better at playing instruments? They have competition.

This increase of technology just feeds our greed, too. Our technology is just our way of getting stuff done a lot faster, thus getting us more time to do other things.

Technology allows us to hoard our time–time we use to interact with more technology.

What if technology’s development got out of hand?

What if we had robots to do everything for us? All play and no work?

I hope something comes in the future and destroys the cities that that happens to.  Not to be morbid or anything.

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Hey guise I rote a poem. I hoap you like it even though it’s absolutely terrible.

Outside
Sitting still
The lazy sun
Providing no warmth

Reminiscient
Nostalgic
Tree stump
Grows weary

Crunching underfoot
The snow screaming
Eternal rest
May be best

Bad poetry
Sleepless nights
frolic through
hand in hand

Light the way for my ever-wandering heart.

As I was walking around lunch today, I realized something.

I am a part of many cliques.

I can go around to a lot of tables at lunch and pretty much blend in with everybody there.

The Sophomores. The Seniors. The “punks.” The “nerds.”  The “oddballs.”

I’m a chameleon.

I guess this is kind of because I have at least a friend or two in each of these cliques.

I assume most people would read this as a good thing.

But I know better.

Each time I migrate groups, I put on a mask. A mask that will hide all the other sides of my life. I am a 30-sided dice.

My inward attitude remains the same throughout. My outward behavior changes. Lots.

Yet each group allows me to deal with my problems in a different way than the last.

Am I…

Am I a jerk? Am I a nerd? Am I nice? Am I mean? Am I hated? Am I loved? Am I welcome?

Where do I belong?

I have best friends I can talk to about this, but they’re usually away, playing Call of Duty or watching House, and I don’t want to bother them.

But their absence definitely isn’t helping me any.