Things I have noticed about myself (in one specific part of life)

Alright, but this is a little personal….

I noticed this about a week ago.

Everybody likes people.

Whether it be of an opposite gender, or of the same one.

And by like, I mean like as in *crush* like.

Sorry if it sounds feminine.

I’ve noticed that since I moved over to this district (seventh grade), I’ve liked girls, but throughout the school year, there’s always been one girl that I’ve liked from beginning to end, and a few girls on the side that I liked less.

But every year, the “like” for the main girl gets weaker and weaker.

In eighth grade, when I actually knew people well enough,  I liked this one girl, and I actually asked her out! But I got a “no.”

In ninth grade, I liked someone, and when Valentine’s Day came around, I kind of walked alongside her and opened my mouth… she looked at me expectantly, but I didn’t say anything. I stopped liking her after that.

Tenth grade. I have yet to even approach this girl about anything.

I don’t know why. The main girl through the year, I barely talk to. Mostly because:
1) I like her from the start and I don’t have the guts to talk to her because.. well… I like her.
2) The girls on the side, I only start liking because I talk to them a lot and know them well.

I’m sure some of you know who some of these people are. Some of you are traitors. I know this for a fact. Please, if I tell you anything about who I like, don’t share it with other people. It’s not like I do it to you.

Dear ______

Look, man. I’ve known you since… second grade?

I remember when we were such great friends.

You, me and Tong-whoon  tested for our second degrees at the same time.

You used to be so friendly. I don’t remember, but I’m sure we used to be best friends.

And then…

And then.

I had to quit taekwondo.

I….

I…. Didn’t see you for a few years.

Then.

I had to move to the Mukilteo School District.

I saw you on the first day of OV. You were pretty cool, I guess.

But after all those years of not seeing you, I didn’t know you anymore.

We shared a few classes here and there, then.

8th grade rolled around.

I couldn’t believe it.

At the beginning of the year, you were…. yourself. You were a cool guy.

But by the end.

I had seen that you had turned into….

Someone…

Someone who I really despise.

Orchestra auditions.

You got into 2nd, but I got into 1st.

You  basically tore yourself down because you didn’t do as well as I did.

We had a nice, sit-down chat after the end of 8th grade. I won’t forget it.

You asked me what other people were saying about you. I did the same.

I told you. “[He] doesn’t like you. You’re being way too arrogant.”

“Alright. I’ll work on it.”

9th grade.

You got even worse.

Italy.

You left all of us Sophomores to go hang out with the upperclassmen.

It created distance between us.

Distance that is still there today.

Orch Auditions.

You got into Kammerstriech.

You pointed at my face and laughed.

Literally.

10th grade.

I avoided you at all costs.

I wanted to avoid the drama.

The few times I DID talk to you, though…

It was alright.

Orchestra party.

Arrogance.

It exploded.

Now I have a new hatred for you.

A hatred that cannot be explained.

I’m trying.

I’m trying to forgive you.

But it’s difficult.

Difficult.